Goodbye
by beyondjaded
Summary: Sometimes there is no happily ever after. Sometimes you just have to say goodbye.


_"Sunset and evening star  
And one clear call for me!  
And may there be no moaning of the bar__  
When I put out to sea..."_

I listened quietly as the poem was read. Quite beautiful it was. It was a young man who spoke, and I grinned as I wondered what he really knew about life and death. How precious they were. Life is something I no longer take for granted. Though I am blessed - or tormented on many days - with endless years, Sarah gave me a whole new perspective on life.

It was quite crowded. I stood back several feet amongst the trees. Many people were crying. In particular were two middle-aged men. Both had graying hair that was once black and beautiful wives on their arms. At their sides were four young women and two young men, each with significant others. A few children stood nearby as well. A beautiful family. I could see Sarah in all of them.

My beautiful Sarah. I once offered her my heart. Though just a woman-child at the time, I fell in love with her strength, determination, courage, and unwavering love and loyalty for her friends and family. It was something rare to find in the Underground where most women hid behind their husbands and fathers and spoke the words they knew you wanted to hear. Sarah was different. Very, very different.

As she grew I desperately wanted to return to her. The traits I loved in her at the tender age of 15 matured and blossomed as she became a woman. I knew she would make a wonderful Queen. Unfortunately, her final words prevented me from ever returning to her unless she wished for me again. She never did.

I never stopped watching her, even when she married. I was jealous and heartbroken, of course, but deep down I never expected her to return to me.

I always took special care of her sons. Their every desire was granted as they grew up, sometimes to her chagrin. I actually became quite fond of them. They were the family I never had. And though none of them ever knew of me, I was never far away. Grandchildren were born and eventually great-grandchildren. They were all under my watch, including Toby and his family. Protection spells assured they would be safe. My more-intelligent goblins were assigned to watch over each of them and alert me to any needs, wants, or problems.

It took many, many years before the pain in my heart lessened. I no longer grieved. Instead, I was content at her happiness.

As the poem ended, an elderly man with blonde wisps of hair stood. He started to speak, stopping occasionally to wipe tears from his eyes. It had been 78 years since I'd held that boy on my lap. Toby. What a fine man he grew up to be. His wife and he had three daughters and a son. He named his son Garrett, which made me quite proud and amused. Neither of them ever showed any signs of remembering me.

Sarah had called upon Hoggle, Sir Didymus, and Ludo for a few years afterward but soon stopped after her eighteenth birthday. None of us were surprised. She had grown up. Only a year after that, Ludo disappeared, never to be heard from again. Even using my magic - at the insistence of the dwarf and knight - I could not find him. He had simply vanished. The other two were still alive and well, and they were standing closer to the group of people. I had put a glamour on us all. I knew she would have wanted them here had she remembered us.

It wasn't too much longer that everyone started leaving, stopping to leave flowers on Sarah's coffin. I had offered her eternal life once. This never had to happen. But she chose a different path and was happy. And I was happy for her. I never did try to find someone else and never would. Sarah was one of a kind. She couldn't be replaced. I would never marry. Never conceive an heir. I had grown content being able to watch her from afar. But now... without her... the grief hadn't quite set in yet, but I knew it would. Once I was alone in my chambers. It was the only place I'd allow myself to cry.

Finally, they were all gone. I had sent Hoggle and Sir Didymus back to the Underground, but I needed a moment alone with Sarah. Walking over, I gently placed my hand on her coffin. I opened my mouth to speak, but was surprised when a sob came out. And then another. And another. My other hand wiped away tears that were freely falling now. It was starting to sink in now that I would never see or hear her again. I couldn't go home and comfort myself by watching her in a crystal, for now they would all be empty.

Just like my life. Empty. Now devoid of the only splendid light that ever filled it. I was empty. My throat clenched painfully as I tried to swallow back tears. 78 years I knew her. She was 93 when she died, as wonderful and fiery as she was at 15 and loved by everyone who knew her. I still had forever to go.

And now it did seem like a long time.

* * *

A/N: Well, I certainly didn't expect this to be my second fic, but here it is. The poem is part of "Crossing the Bar" by Alfred Lord Tennyson. Comments and constructive criticism appreciated.


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